Thankful.

I feel like writing today. A lot. Too many thoughts.. many things that have happened...
The first thing I'd like to say is that my mother and grandmother got here a few hours ago. I'm thrilled! Honestly. Whenever they come to visit they light up the place. They fill you up with joy and they make you realize how grateful you should be to have them around.
Other than that.. yeah, I had a great day at college. We got a gift and ordered a cake for our teacher's birthday. I'm sure he really appreciated it(as much as we appreciate him as well). It made me happy.
After class, Mark and I went to Billa to look for something. We had a nice chat on the way to that place and back. He's a great person to talk to and I love the fact that he's smart. Makes our conversations jump from one topic to another and we never get the time to discuss all we want to :)
On the way home I picked a few flowers for mom and granny (something tells me they liked it).
Aside from all this.. I'm going to Germany with my college mates on Saturday. I'm kind of excited about the whole thing but I'm also dissapointed that I wont get to see a few of my german friends since they can't reach Bad Kissingen. But hey.. it's been a great day. Besides, I'm enjoying a nice glass of beer and I plan to log on WoW for a few minutes.
Maybe I'll write something philosophical tomorrow if I get the chance. Today.. it was all about me for once. :)

Have a good night, whoever you might be.

Questions.

"Have you ever watched the stars for hours just thinking of how big the universe really is?"
"I do it quite often, why do you ask?"
"It's just...Could you stay here for tonight?"

He moved his hand as if to grab hers,but turned his back and walked away.

Decisions.

Yes decisions. Why? I seem to like the word more and more every day. Decisions define us. Through decisions we either find out who we are or lose ourselves along the way. Decisions influence everything in our lives and in other peoples lives. We go through life in decision after decision after decision. Will I have coffee this morning? Which bus should I take? What dress should I wear? What face will I put on when I enter the classroom/office/store? Where to go this afternoon? Who should I call today? Is it alright for me to love that person? Should I tell that person? Should I call my mother? Should I apply for that job? And my god the list is infinite.. But what happens when things get decided for us? When the bus comes too late. When the dress you wanted to wear is dirty. When your mom doesn't pick up the phone? When the someone you love turns their back at you? When your lover decides to end the relationship because he thinks both are not capable of maintaining it anymore? Well the last one is certainly a kick in the ass, I must say.

What is loneliness?

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is something every human has felt at some point in his life.

It’s as real as a pen, as dirt, as a flower, as a paper cut. It simply is a part of the human condition. It’s a feeling that, despite making you the weakest being of them all existent on the face of the earth at one particular moment it also helps you become a stronger person. It makes you discover things about you that you didn’t know or that you never paid attention to.

How does loneliness occur?

Be it after a break-up, after someone’s death, after moving to a different city/country, after initiating a new perspective in your life, due to lack of affection or even for no reason comprehensible. Loneliness happens.

Friendship: You can be at a party with all your friends, watching how everybody is having a good time, laughing, enjoying themselves...but still you grab a beer, watch them have fun, share an occasional smile and be completely and utterly empty on the inside.

Habit: You can be in your new apartment, cleaning your room and asking your mother for a glass of orange juice from the kitchen. But when you get no response you suddenly realize that there’s nobody to give it to you and you have to get it yourself.

Love: After a recent break-up, with the person you thought you would spend your whole life with. The one person that knew you best, that you shared so much with yet betrayed you; that someone suddenly isn’t there anymore. So you’re lying in bed all by yourself but still leaving that persons side free and draw your hand across that side of the sheets… You’re perfectly aware that you haven’t changed those sheets in weeks but you know why. Because they still smell like that person. So you grab the pillow, squeeze it to your chest and start crying with flashbacks of all the beautiful moments you’ve spent together. All the plans you had together, all the places you wanted to go… Even that small house down the corner that you wanted to buy, yes even that shows up in your mind. Then, you simply break down with the though of how kissing that person felt, how…for one small second the world seemed a better place.

Work: You own a company, that runs pretty well, have success over success, you look at the reviews, but … there is no pride, there is nothing. Not even a person to share that success with.

Death: You drive by the bench you first had your knee injured, because you were running fast to catch up on your father. You pull over and walk to that place. You’re passed your 30’s but you still remember it like it was yesterday. Your father ran to you to pick you up and you both went to the store to buy some candy. That store isn’t there anymore, they built a fancy hotel instead, years after that. But you look around… See how things changed, take your phone out to look at the clock and see it’s 2 in the afternoon. Remember the first phone you ever had? A big black phone that kids used to make fun of back in middle school, but you would still walk around proud and wait for your fathers call, at 2:00 PM. Every single day.

How do we deal with it?

That’s up to you.

You can: drink it off; keep it inside and let it eat you alive; share your pain with whoever is close to you or even a stranger you might never see again; cry and hope time will heal it; smile and pretend everything is fine; do something you enjoy, take a walk, buy something, feed a hungry dog or a cat, even a poor person, do something good, to make you feel worthy or to make you appreciate the small things.

All I can really say is that we’ve all been there, more than once. Everybody knows or has a slight idea about “loneliness”. We might have different views upon the term, we might see it as physical loneliness or emotional one, we might see it as a war with ourselves or with the others but we all know that after the feelings gone, we’re a bit more stronger than we were before.

Tranquility

I felt like sharing this. It sounds pretty good.

Enjoy!

Today.

It's been awhile since I last made an AMV so I thought, hey..why not do one today!
Hope you enjoy it.

Goodbye 2009!

How the last day of the year was for me? Well so far it has been pretty dull.
After 5 years I'll be spending New Year with mom and granny. Listening to Armin van Buuren now. It's hilarious how things changed. Thinking back on 2009 I'd rather cry then smile somehow. I've learned many things about me that I wasn't aware of before. I've ruined friendships, gained others instead. I had those "big" exams in June, I moved from Brasov, "I crossed the border into the big bad world", I've learned how to cook, I'm with the person I've always dreamed of being but still somewhere put aside there's a small amount of regret, not sure where that comes from.
I've slowly let go of my hometown, somehow I feel a stranger when I walk on Republicii at night. Sometimes I pass people by that I thought I knew but they walk away without even looking back. ( must be the glasses, yes, eww!) Sometimes I think.. everything could be different.

Everything in life is limited to decisions. Good ones make you happy, bad ones haunt you for awhile.
But in the end, after a long year of ups and downs, political issues ( we all know about those..), money problems( seriously now, why did I have to remind us all?), changes etc, I guess the most important thing is to look back and see the good parts only, see that you have your family supporting you, that changes aren't always bad, that the one you love is there for you and will be for a long time, that your hamster, despite his missing leg, still gets all crazy whenever you step in your room, that your taste in music still rocks, that you can still draw well, that your soup doesn't taste of socks anymore and that those two weird people sleeping under a balcony actually smiled when they got some cake. :)
So allow me to finish this post with optimism. (cut me some slack, it's not my mooost obvious trait)
Summing up some of the good songs.

"We are golden"


Owl City!


And last but not least, Viva la vida baby!



Happy New Year everyone, enjoy life, enjoy music and love. Yes, love!

Goodbye 2009!