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Today I deactivated my Facebook account. And you know what's sad? That I'm writing about it. The reasons were mainly 2. It's extremely distracting and since I have an exam soon I can't risk anything. And second reason: some people wouldn't even care about you if it wasn't for facebook and that thing annoys me like crazy. If you wish to talk to me you have my number, you have my email. If you want music, you have my music blog or grooveshark or last.fm or any other kind of music site.

Since that topic is closed now, I'll mention the fact that I MISS MY FAMILY. A lot apparently. Can't wait to be done with all exams and head home. At some point yes.. I like it here, it's beautiful but there's no place like home.. I got this thing from Real the other day, a wooden plank with the inscription " Ob Osten oder Westen, Zuhaus da ist's am Besten." When I saw it I liked it so much that I bought it :D

Now I'll let all the philosophers amaze me with their beautiful political theories, so that I can widen my knowledge about politics and aspire towards becoming "Leader of the Free World" and hopefully someday manage to fight evil and implement certain norms that will for sure make this planet a better place. WOW I'm full of crap.

Confidential

I sometimes dream of your face and sometimes open my eyes with the thought that you might be there next to me, snoring like a pig.
Sometimes I walk on the street and I think I see you, but I'd rather not turn around because I know it's not you, it's just that I'd want that cheerful feeling to stay for a while longer.

Sometimes when you write things randomly I want to believe that some things are referred to me. Even though they're not and I know that.. I'm perfectly aware of the fact that I might not be what you'd want. You might not be what I want either. But it's that dream thing in my head, it's that damn feeling I had when I was with you that I remember sometimes.......... and that feeling pisses me off.

I'm ANGRY at myself for feeling this. This intensity for nothing. Even though it may have been nothing to you, to me it was.. it was intense, powerful. As if two souls met, somehow to a certain level, difficult to comprehend, like... an addiction.

It feels so unfinished. It feels as if so much more could be discovered. And I wish to discover it, I wish to know things about you and do things with you and to you and just have you HERE, with me. I want you to be there when I need you. I want you to see who I am, know who I am, see what I can truly be. And most of all I want you to keep on liking me even after you get to see who I am. I hope you fall crazy in love with me so that I wouldn't feel the pain of rejection. Yes, I'm selfish, you bring that out. You make me want to want more.

You make me want to want you more.

Untitled

Azi am ascultat și eu Frank Zappa. Că doar auzisem de o vreme de el și niciodată nu am avut curiozitatea să îl ascult cum trebuie. Și nici n-am făcut-o.. am dat skip la câteva piese și n-am simtit nimic. Oare nu oi intelege eu muzica? Oare nu oi avea gusturi muzicale bune? Nu sunt destul de .. „reif” muzical vorbind să îl înteleg? Maybe it's a guy thing. Ce-i drept mi-a plăcut ”Muffin Man” cu Beefheart, dar de ce am dat în discografia aia.. nu stiu. O fi probabil și starea mea de doi bani.

Imi scrisese Tyler mai înainte să-mi spună (din nou) despre marea lui iubire și evident căuta sfaturi. Recunosc, omul chiar este într-o situație de toată jena, n-am ce zice, dar azi chiar nu aveam chef sa dau sfaturi. Nu aveam chef să aud cum suferă unii si alții. Te-a înșelat, bine frate asta e ..ai doua variante, te umilești ca bou si o ierți și te împaci cu ea pentru că o iubești enorm sau incerci cât poți de mult să treci peste și aia e. Găsesti pe altcineva, care să te aprecieze așa cum îti dorești. (Gata, am dat-o iar pe Wilco că deja mă enerva ăsta. Mai incerc mâine, câ poate îl voi aprecia mai mult.) Sunt o nesuferită azi. In loc să apreciez că omu caută alinare la subsemnata, în loc sa fiu și eu helpful stau și scriu pe site-ul ăsta ca o self centered bitch. I-am zis de prea multe ori ce consider că ar fi bine și ce nu. restul e chiar în mâna lui, n-ar trebui să mă ambalez atat.

Bun, nici Path Metheny nu mă impresionează în noaptea asta :))

S-ar putea să fie prea târziu, capul mi-e încărcat cu tot felul de gânduri, probleme, nedumeriri, cu siguranță e și acesta un motiv pentru care mă simt cum mă simt.

Cred că m-am săturat de singurătate...


PS: Zappa, don't be mad at me, I'll listen to your music more carefully tomorrow.

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society where none intrudes,
By the deep Sea, and music in its roar:
I love not Man the less, but Nature more,
From these our interviews, in which I steal
From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal.


by George Gordon (Lord Byron)

Thoughts 2

It's been a while since I've written.. and everything is pretty much the same. Same people in my life, same situation, same feelings, same music. Well.. a short update on the friends list due to my moving in Germany for this year but still not such a big deal. Things haven't changed much.. maybe my way of thinking is a bit different, but I don't consider that being a huge change.

Why Thoughts 2? Wednesday, June 2, 2010 was a post called "Thoughts". Yes, you've nailed it.. it's about the same person (wow, what a surprise). It's interesting how things can get better at times. Our paths crossed again, like I wanted it to back then.. and I'll be honest with you, cause heck, it's not like he'll ever know, it was one of the most beautiful moments so far in my life. I enjoyed his company and I like to think that he did too. And I also like to think that he was himself and that he had just as much fun as I did. I like the way I am around him, I can bitch around, make bad jokes and be a lady all at once hah. It's not like I miss him terribly when I don't see him.. It's when I see him that my world turns upside down. It's silly, stupid and retarded, call it whatever you want. I just ask myself why. I'd be a freak if I'd say something like "there's a certain connection there". Even though I think there is. But why now? Why after all this time? Why does he want to talk to me more often all of a sudden, why would .. I dunno, I give up. See?? this is what goes through my head whenever I like someone.. I over-analyze everything like I'm my personal shrink. I keep asking all these questions and I get all insecure. (Wow, someday when I'll read this again I'll think "what the fuck were you thinking, girl chillax".)

You know what he is? He's like a hailstorm. When it's all warm outside he comes like huge clouds and messes everything up, leaving a few marks and then disappearing just like that. Ice melts, leaving no trace of where he came from and where he's heading or anything and after that you say "wow, what was that just now?" It's how I see him. And I think that's what I like about him. Yeah.. I really think I like him.. that's not alright... Am I supposed to tell him? And if I'd do such a stupid thing..how could I possibly do it? I don't see those words coming out of my mouth while I'm around him. How would I put it without sounding like any other desperate girl? "Hey you.. I like you.. I'd really wish to wake up next to you one morning..or a couple of mornings or.. I'd like to get to know you and I'd like you to let me in and show me who you are and see if(in a far away universe in my head) we'd ever be awesome together.

Wow, that was cheesy as fuck.