Today I lost it, today I really lost it. My father was unbelievably selfish and said some of the most hurtful words to me. I feel betrayed at some point, disappointed, lost. And I thought I became immune to hurtful words but apparently I'm not. I see it reflected in the things I do, nothing, simply nothing went alright today. I try to make myself believe that he only said it because he was angry, but it's not the first time he throws words like that at me. Only today, well.. I wasn't looking forward to such a conversation. If your parents are divorced, I'm guessing what one can wish is to have a decent relationship with both sides, right? You need to be able to believe in something as a human, therefor most of us chose to believe in our parents. We choose to, because they're the closest people in our lives. Or at least that's how it is supposed to be. I always saw some kind of hero in my father, he was, at some point, always there when I needed him. But the older he grows the less he cares about the words that come out of his mouth, isn't that a bit cruel? I mean what possible achievement can you receive by hurting the ones you love? And why risk destroying a father-daughter relationship that has been hanging by a thread lately?
It's stupid. He's sick, he keeps saying he doesn't have much time left, he apparently still loves my mother, he also doesn't care that my mom is going through some really hard times, especially with him always bugging her. Then there's me.. I come once every 3 months home and we barely see each other. What the hell? Then he keeps telling me about my step-sister and how we should get along, be close friends bla bla, hello dad? You can't just build a close friendship with someone you a. don't have much in common and b. never really sympathized?
I don't know, my head hurts, everything hurts somehow. I just want to scream and break something. Oh well.. we can only hope for the best.
PS: Thanks dad.
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