12:51 AM

Through nights and through days,
On all of my ways,
To weep and to fall,
To love but at all.
To sigh and to scream,
To hope and to dream.

My life is happiness yet to be found.

ATB

Tonight I'm in a weird Paramore - ATB mood. Call me crazy, but they both have great music. (and yes I know.. I have odd taste in music)

Savage Garden

Why Savage Garden? - Truly, madly, deeply.
I miss him again.

I'm fighting with depressions again... well ..maybe not really depression, but rather looking for shelter.
I feel so empty, so.. alone and lost. I can't find shelter anywhere right now, I'm not in the mood for anything, I think too much of the past, I keep going back to people that I shouldn't go to and instead of being happy that I'm going home, that my first year @ college is over.. I don't feel anything. I listen to such lame crappy sentimental songs, I look at pictures of people I haven't spoken with in months maybe even years and it all seems so pointless... like every thing that I did got me in the same damn place where I am right now. Stagnation? Maybe something is keeping me at this point.. but what? Instead of becoming a better person, more mature, smarter etc.. I keep going down for some reason. Everyday I become a bit more lazy, a bit more uninterested, a bit more lonely.

Random

I felt like writing again today.
It's something bothering me. again.. as usual. Nothing is ever right to me.
Got some "Better than Ezra" in my playlist right now, listening to one of their best songs.

I'm really not happy.

Thoughts

I've been thinking about him again. Somehow he simply won't go away.. even after all these years. I've tried to deny it..believing that I fall in love with others but.. in moments of loneliness I think of him again.. I think about those 3 days.. his smile, his voice, his charming person. He took it away from me, without knowing. And it's pathetic..because it was in such a short time.. how can someone simply take your heart like that?
I still dream of him sometimes. I listen to a song he recorded from time to time and I close my eyes because it's that warm voice that I like hearing so much. I still check up on his profile to see where else he has been, what places he saw, what photos he took... And I know, I'm probably nothing to him. He probably doesn't think of me.. but it always means a lot whenever he writes a message telling me how he is.
I guess the only thing I really wish is to cross his path again, meet and have a chat, a coffee maybe, smoke our favorite cigarettes, talking about music.
It's sad.. because I really do have everything I need. Why do I still hang on to nothing?


"How are my blackest eyes? "
They're good... craving to see you again.


Mi-e dor si doare.