In the end...

...everything's gonna be just fine :)

Love is blind

So what can you do if you feel a part of your soul being ripped out?


"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over...."

...five miserable years.

*Quote from The Holiday.

Hello

I haven't written in such a long time that I don't even know where to start. Not quite sure I want to write too much though because I have to admit things have been quite good lately. I get the feeling that I'm somewhat appreciated and that what I'm doing is ok, not perfect but ok. The way things developed and the way time passed is somehow pleasing to notice. But is it really this good? You know when insecurity strikes and when you're thinking you might not deserve certain things, you might now be choosing the right path or you might not be doing the right thing... it happens.
I turned 22 recently and for some reason I feel old. As if yesterday I was this rebel hanging out with all the wrong people, being 15 and unstoppable. And now I know that I have to start being responsible, have to start fighting for what I want and need. But is what I want also what I need? Or the other way around? But before I get even more concerned I need to say I had the most amazing birthday anyone could ever wish for. I had my closest friends with me, I drank a bit too much sadly but nevertheless I remember how awesome it was and how everyone felt good, even the music was awesome! Also two friends from Bucharest came to visit me and we talked quite a bit, great couple they are and I hope we maintain this friendship. So yeah I will look back on that day and be happy. Really happy :)

I'm staring at the most beautiful flowers I have ever received from one of the most important people in my life... a person that knows me well and that never let me go. I get sentimental and insecure about this topic every time because that person means a lot to me and I wouldn't wish to mess something up. But then again maybe it's ok how it is and we're doing fine and we'll be doing fine for now and I shouldn't worry about anything else.

I have to finish my bachelors thesis... I have to write to this lady for a job and my God I am scared of growing up :)

"Childhood fades away quickly", my grandmother always said; it's actually true. Youth is wasted on the young. Why can't we just be born with a bit more brain and rationality and die young and stupid? I know, I'm going a bit too far but it's true. Think of all the fucked up people that winded up that way because they didn't have a decent education or decent parents? The childhood sooner or later reflects upon the character when you grow up and frustrations remain deep inside even if you try to hide them. But I've also seen cases of amazing parents that simply raised incredibly arrogant, spoiled, stupid children.. so how does this work then? And what about the amazing children that manage to make it even though they had a horrible childhood? I'm trying to find a connection here between childhood and adulthood to explain certain things/traits/reactions/ etc that people have. Because they say education is important but then again we're talking about the good or the bad essence of the child. What influences that? Because as I mentioned before there are amazing children with awful parents.. they learned from their parents mistakes. But why don't other children learn then? Does it have to do with the fact that we're not equal.. some are stronger and some are weaker? I wish to disagree with that to a certain extent. I think a good part of the persons personality is also influences by the parents or the friends or the place in which the child grows up. But partly I think the child is also born with certain qualities and defects which makes this sorting out that I'm trying to do here quite pointless. I'm just trying to figure out how things work.. why there are such bad people and why such good people? and why there is so much envy in the world? (on envy I have a hell of a theory though.. I'll leave that for another topic) and why do we absolutely need to look for people similar to us to feel comfortable? Because everyone talks about how equal we are and how equal rights are in order and the whole idea of being one and the same, united.. but that's just major bullshit. We're different, we have similarities but we're different and nobody can understand you or your feelings better than yourself because we can't read minds, we can only read what the other person wants us to see. (depending on the relationship level though).We're like books,drama, comedy, romance,crime... everyone is a genre but everyone understands the book differently.


Enough for today, too much pointless questions.. dumb to be frank but people do need to share their thoughts sometimes.

Have a good night reader,
whoever you may be.



*Picture: Autumn by Oprisco